When in the US, do as the French do. . .

During my advanced study of the October, 2013 issue of Cosmo, I stumbled upon a delightful piece on how to adapt the beauty regimen of the French woman.  I have spent numerous hours of my life wishing and begging to God to change me into a French woman.  They are these tall, emaciated, fair maidens who are the object of every man's fantasy and every photographer's lens.  A French woman is known for her beauty, grace, and style.  So, imagine my excitement when Cosmo dished out the secrets, on page 96.  
1. Commit to one skin cream: I would say, I do that pretty well.  I have been using Lancome High Resolution skin creme for the last several years, and started using Estee Lauder Resilience Lift creme, as well.  I am totally obsessed, and I am on first-name basis with the lady at the Nordstrom Lancome counter.  In addition, French women just wear a simple skin creme as their face decorum.  I've gone au natural on many occasions, myself.
2. Don't fret over your hair: Not only do French women say au revoir to their flat irons, but also to their hair color.  They let the curls, waves, frizz, and gray wisps coexist with their egos, for a natural look.  Although my Chi is essentially as important to me as one of my children, I am cool letting the grays shine in their aging glory.
3. Stay away from the nail salon: French women do not actually get the mani/pedi treatment, and let their nails just be.  No nail polish, no wax, no fake nails--nothing actually gets painted or stuck on their nails.  I am inspired to continue my no mani/pedi policy in life.

I was validated that I am actually more French than I realized.  When other friends and family members consider my beauty routine to be "lazy", it is actually just "French".  

People are Having a lot of Adulterous Sex

As I peruse through the final pages of the October issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, a compelling piece, "The Cheating Diaries", assaulted my eyes.  Isabelle is a married housewife, who consulted a website serving the married and willing, and met a man, with whom she has weekly sex.  It is apparently the rough, crazy, tear-one's-clothes-off, bite people sex.  Then, they share the afterglow by looking at videos of each other's children on their cellphones.  The best way to celebrate a passionate afternoon is to share videos of the children shared with a spouse one is deceiving.  One woman was engaged to a man with a small penis, and chose to avenge his mircophallus with lesbian sex on the side.  But, Andrew is the definite winner, who is bored with his girlfriend and frustrated with her aspirations to attend medical school.  As a result, he decides to flirt with a "hot girl" who works with him.  Flirting leads to sexting, which eventually becomes Andrew sticking his penis in every possible orifice the "hot" girl has to offer.  He describes using her as a human bong, as well, as they exhaled into each other's mouths while making out.  People like this instill the fear of mutant, antibiotic resistant STD's.  I am convinced to continue my process of touching nothing in public places--thank God for Purell sanitizer.

People are Having a lot of Sex

Rocktober is the Sexy Power month for the "Fun, Fearless" woman.  First, we will discuss confessions.  Cosmo had a nice undercover segment simulating the Catholic priest in a confessional booth.  There was Nick, who confessed about a very hot moment with his girlfriend in his parents' shower.  The event culminated in Nick and his girlfriend shattering the glass door of the shower, only to freak out his parents.  Then, Jenny shared her experience with accidentally texting a guy named Mike about how he was and her plans for hooking up, which came to fruition.  My favorite in the confessions would be Zach, whose girlfriend was blowing him, doesn't swallow, and set off some alarm when she attempted to spit out the stuff.
But, I appreciated the tips on making things more kinky with my guy, from a piece entitled, "12 Kinky Quickies".  Inspired by the "Fifty Shades of Gray" S&M love story, suggestions ranged from wearing a mask to allowing my dude to rip open my tights so we can go at it as soon as I walk in the door.  Considering most decent pairs of tights cost anywhere from about $6.99 at my favorite discount stores like Marshalls or TJ Maxx, to $9.99 at H&M, I am not privy to having him rip them apart, unless he is willing to replace them with his own money.  My personal favorite is the technique of the vibrating smartphone against my dude's testicles.  I mean, get him off or possibly give him a tumor, I don't know.  However, for the woman who can accomplish the final tip, which is getting it from behind while continuing one's morning routine of putting on makeup, I salute you.